Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Extremely high number of young Germans not suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder

While a new study indicates that a small number of older Germans who survived World War II traumas are now manifesting instances of post-traumatic stress disorder, an even newer study indicates that an extremely high number of young Germans aren’t suffering from this disorder at all.

“We really can’t explain why this is,” said one researcher who regularly contributes to this blog. “Unless maybe it could possibly somehow have to do with the fact that young Germans wouldn’t know what a real gun shot or a real combat situation or a real aerial bomb attack is if it jumped out of their game console and bit them in the ass.”

Extrapolating the results from the survey, the researcher than concluded that slightly over 99.9 percent of all Germans under the age of sixty were completely unaffected by any sort of serious war-related trauma whatsoever, Bundeswehr special forces units included.

Many of these non-victimized victims have spoken of how sometimes “the pictures come back” of seeing reports on TV about others who have had “their pictures come back” after having been through real combat situations in real life with real bullets and bombs and explosions and everything, but this doesn’t count as real PTSD. Not yet anyway. Family and friends are urged to support those not suffering from this disorder to urge them in turn to put themselves in situations where they can actually “go out there” and get the real trauma and subsequent disorder instead.

Ein verblüffendes Ergebnis.

Kommentare auf Deutsch? Selbstverständlich.

Posted by clarsonimus at 06:58:47 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

The Bundestag didn’t say we could shoot

Remember when Germans used to shoot first and ask questions later? Me neither, but I’ve read about it a few times (not counting those East German border guards, I mean). And it looks like we’re not the only ones who can’t remember. Specially trained German special forces-type soldiers themselves appear to be at a loss as to what to do whenever on the hunt for, say, one of the Taliban’s most deadly bomb makers and then, well, actually finding him.



After locating and staking out their target for a full week (this guy was the prime suspect behind one of the deadliest terrorist attacks in Afghanistan, a sugar factory bombing in 2007 which killed 79 people, among them dozens of children), the Taliban commander was allowed to escape during an attempt to arrest him because the Germans had not been authorized to use lethal force.

I guess this is what makes German special forces so special. They are the only ones on earth that aren’t allowed to bump off the people they have been specially trained to kill. But it’s understandable, really. So much is not allowed in Germany these days that, when in doubt, Germans naturally assume that what they are about to do is most likely verboten, even when they are not about to do it im Ausland (overseas).

Politicians concerned about human rights aren’t supposed to talk to the Dalai Lama, for instance, journalists concerned about weapons exports aren’t allowed to bring up Germany’s role in that business, I mean, national security matter. You know, stuff like that. So why should we expect that German soldiers armed with these cool exported weapons will ever use them? Actually, we don’t. And when you don’t expect nothing, nothing is all you get.

Das war keine Panne. Nicht wirklich.

Kommentare auf Deutsch? Logisch.

Posted by clarsonimus at 07:06:24 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Monday, May 19, 2008

Verbotene Bilder




Damn. I'm actually starting to like this lady (not really, but still).

Posted by clarsonimus at 20:35:16 | Permanent Link | Comments (1) |

Sunday, May 18, 2008

A Berlin Airlift 60th Anniversary Flight Show?

Not anywhere around here. But hey, somebody’s got to do it, right? Maybe I'll zip over to Tempelhof and see what's going on there. Then again, maybe I won't.

alt : http://www.youtube.com/v/BHPNa-TWUAM&hl=en

„…und die Basis für die dauerhafte Freundschaft zwischen Deutschen und Amerikanern blah, blah, blah.“

Kommentare auf Deutsch? Klar.


PS: Thanks for the DOD link, Pat.
Posted by clarsonimus at 12:26:55 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Childish superstitions and atheists really pissed Einstein off

Or at least that’s the impression I get when reading parts of a letter he wrote in 1954 which just got auctioned off for $404,000 in London (that’s nearly 1000 euros in European money, I think). Or maybe it’s just the fact that the letter was written in German. German often sounds so really pissed off, doesn’t it? Well it sure can in Berlin.

Anyway, returning from the grave isn’t easy for anyone I’m sure, but to do so just to slam religion like that (Hello? The afterlife?), well that’s certainly a first. But he was Einstein after all and if anyone can pull this one off, I guess he can. Not having much to offer for the traditionally faithful, he found the Bible to be childish, the idea of Jews being a chosen people silly (although they were a bit “protected from the worst cancers by a lack of power” - this was in 1954 like I said) and that although religion provided believers with a certain protective self-deception perhaps, it did not necessarily improve their morality.

None of this seems all that E=mc² these days, does it? What I find more refreshing is his attack upon atheism. Describing himself as an agnostic, Einstein scoffed at atheists as being people who do the same intolerance religious fanatics do. “They are creatures who - in their grudge against the traditional ‘opium for the people’ - cannot bear the music of the spheres.”

Maybe that’s why evolutionary biologist and world-class atheist Richard Dawkins was among the bidders for the letter (he lost out, of course, atheists are real cheapskates you know). He probably wanted to have the thing destroyed.

Meine Ansichten sind zu gewaltig für unseren bzw. euren begrenzten Geist.

Kommentare auf Deutsch? Logisch.

Posted by clarsonimus at 09:24:45 | Permanent Link | Comments (5) |

Friday, May 16, 2008

Talk to me Dalai

The Chinese don’t want you talking to anybody over here (not even to Red Heidi herself), but that's okay. You can talk to me.

alt : http://www.youtube.com/v/XP2pFfHDcDo&hl=en

Alle sind höchst verärgert.

Kommentare auf Deutsch? Klar.

Posted by clarsonimus at 20:25:42 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Thursday, May 15, 2008

World’s third biggest weapons exporter worried about world’s growing military expenditures

Well, not really. Not unless those expenditures stay steady for American or Russian weapons, that is.

Germans don’t like to talk about it or anything because it’s a bit taboo and a deep and dark family secret or something (not) and they are such militant pacifists after all and we all know that they would like nothing better than to rid the world of weapons forever, don’t we? But when it comes to exporting weapons, I just got to tell you, they really rock.

At least that’s what a survey conducted by the Stockholm International Peace Research Institute (SIPRI) would have us believe (and we all know how shady those Swedes can be – think “neutrality” during World War II). Anyway, the survey says that the USA, Russia and Germany are the world’s leading weapons exporters, with Germany’s latest weapons export piece of the pie profits coming in at around $3.395 billion. Damn, just think of all the ploughshares you could buy with that.

All I can say is that it’s good to know that all of these German weapons are being used for goodness and niceness and purely defensive purposes (did you know that Wehrmacht meant defensive force?), not like some other countries’ weapons out there, if you know what I’m sayin’. Otherwise a whole lot of people in this country wouldn’t be able to sleep well at night.

Geld stinkt nicht.

Kommentare auf Deutsch? Selbstverständlich.

PS: Thanks for the chin-scratching post, Joe and Kyle.
Posted by clarsonimus at 18:25:22 | Permanent Link | Comments (4) |

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Hello, Dalai!

Now go home again. Talk about your German Gastfreundlichkeit (hospitality).

I said hello, Dalai,......well, hello, Dalai
Its so nice to have you back where you belong (not)
You’re lookin’ swell, Dalai.......but go to hell, Dalai
You may still be glowin’...still be crowin’...but please keep movin’ on
I feel that room swayin’......while the bands playin’
One of your old Tibetan songs from way back when
So..... take his wrap, fellas.......but make sure he keeps his trap, fellas
Cause Dalai won’t ever come this way again

(all together now, and this time with feeling)

I said hello, Dalai,......well, hello, Dalai
Its so nice to have you back where you belong (not)
You’re lookin’ swell, Dalai.......but go to hell, Dalai
You may still be glowin’...still be crowin’...but please keep movin’ on
I feel that room swayin’......while the bands playin’
One of your old Tibetan songs from way back when
So..... take his wrap, fellas.......but make sure he keeps his trap, fellas
Cause Dalai won’t ever come this way again

And here’s your T-shirt that says “All I Got Was A Meeting With Red Heidi And This T-Shirt”.

Scheduling conflicts bis zum Umfallen.

Kommentare auf Deutsch? Selbstverständlich.

Posted by clarsonimus at 18:47:54 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Germans conquering America again for the first time already or something

Only they’re trying to do it with music this time. You know, in the long tradition of Bach, Beethoven, Heino and all that? Sorry Freunde (buds), but it ain’t-a-gonna happen.



And I don’t care if the lead singer looks like Hermine from the Harry Potter movies (the first or second one maybe) only all in black and an evil-type version of her even though he’s actually a dude, although probably not quite officially yet because I think he’s just ten. Kids these days.

That’s right. Germany’s Tokio Hotel hopes to expand it’s "already-rabid fanbase” and make it big in America (and not in Japan first as you might think), once they’re big, that is. And some Americans are actually helping them, dad gum it, but like now already. They just went on Conan O’Brian for crying out loud, for instance. What is that?

It’s not that I don’t like their music or anything it’s just that I don’t like their music or anything (as if I could). They should go back to the hotel in Tokio where they started out (its spelled Tokyo by the way, Jungs, or can be) or Buxtehude or Entenhausen or wherever it is they came from as long as it’s nowhere near Berlin, and leave my country alone.

And work on your German while you’re at it. That’s right, I said German. Their English isn’t all that bad.

"That German band with the weird lead-singer chick."

Kommentare auf Deutsch? Logisch.

PS: Thanks for the androgeny link, Joe.

 
Posted by clarsonimus at 17:55:02 | Permanent Link | Comments (2) |

Monday, May 12, 2008

Liars, devils, lap-dogs, Hitlers, I’ve got a million of them, folks

After labelling Colombian President Uribe a liar, Mexican President Vicente Fox a lap-dog of the empire and American President Bush the devil himself, to name just a few, stand-up Venezuelan comedian Hugo “The Huge” Chavez has introduced brand new material into his act and has now begun labelling Chancellor Merkel of Germany the political descendent of Adolf Hitler.



Like a host of other Venezuelan comedians before him, Chavez has been poking fun at politicians and other world figures for years now with impunity and is well-known for never ever even coming remotely close to thinking twice about making his zany, wacky and not-so-tongue-in-cheek comments before doing so, seemingly always thrilled to be the first one to hear them first himself.

“Hey, maybe I'll say something to her (Merkel) and she'll get mad and say 'why don't you shut up?'" quipped Chavez later during his latest routine, a clear reference to Spanish King Juan Carlos' recent hilarious admonition of the loquacious and ever smart-ass Chavez that touched off a bilateral dispute with Spain, one of the many countries Venezuela now enjoys really, really rotten relations with.

After a short engagement at Caesar’s Palace later this year, Chavez plans another one night show before the United Nations General Assembly where he will then crown himself the undisputed King or maybe even Emperor of International Comedy.

“I know you’re out there, folks. I can hear you breathing.”

Kommentare auf Deutsch? Klar.

Posted by clarsonimus at 10:17:11 | Permanent Link | Comments (2) |